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Trolls, Why Bother About Them?

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[the_ad_placement id=”after-content”]Trolls, Why Bother About Them?

A health blog that had posted my weight loss story four years back, re-posted it on their Facebook page. A friend shared its link with me, opening which I found a few negative comments by unknown people. Another good friend also objected to the admin of that page regarding the negativity being spread. As a result, the trolls were deleted. 

I was trolled…

Trolls! yes, I was trolled about how “ugly” I looked after the 30 kg weight loss. I was trolled for how I looked like a 60 year old after weight loss. Did it all trouble me? Well, frankly speaking, Not at all. I wasn’t angry or pissed at all because the people who wrote those comments were judging me by my looks. They didn’t know my story nor my motivation to lose weight. Whatever they had commented, I wasn’t concerned as I didn’t know them or their psyche.  The good thing about that post was that the site found my story inspiring enough to be re-posted. If interested, it can be seen here.. ‘My story’.

Trolls, why bother about them?

The other day, I was watching television when a show on trolls caught my attention. The show was about cyber bullying  and focused on making trolls answerable for their behavior. 

Why do people get so bothered by trolls (unless of course they are life threatening ones)? Why do haters matter to people? Are we emotionally so fragile that a group of people, who are not even known to us in anyway, can make us look so vulnerable in front of the whole world?

There is nothing wrong in being emotional but are we not exposing our vulnerability by questioning trolls? Is it not a negation of our personal choices?  What we wear, how we decide to look, how we live, what we eat are all our personal choices which we have made due to one reason or other. Those are all our personal decisions which must never be affected by what others feel about them. Reactions against what people feel or say exposes our own lack of faith in our decisions.

The strangers and their neurotic drama…

I love reading Dr Brian Weiss. In one of his famous books, ‘Messages from the Masters’, very aptly he has written…

“Often we take personally the slings and arrows of our ‘abusers’. But frequently we are merely the interchangeable pawns of their own neurotic dramas. Anyone else in your position would have received the same treatment. There is nothing especially noxious or negatively noteworthy about you.”

That makes sense, isn’t it? Why must we get involved in some stranger’s “neurotic drama”?

Life’s negative experiences should train our mind to look for positivity in everything. Every failure is either a step towards perfection or a shift towards a new destination.

While strangers were discussing how ‘ugly’ and ‘old’ I looked after losing 30 kg weight, I was amazed at my will power and thinking about how I had overcome Asthma, High blood pressure and so many other health issues by reducing weight. This troll reminded me how good I felt from inside when I was exercising and eating well. It made me restart a strict regime, which somehow I had lost track of.

Karma takes care of everyone…

We are all human beings, full of emotions, which at times can be overwhelming. It’s not our duty to judge or punish anyone. I believe in ‘Karma’ which is a great equalizer.

Our only duty is to love ourselves despite all odds. The troubles and struggles that we go through in our lives are our personal battles. No one can ever understand the ‘whys and hows’ of our decisions so why bother about what others think about us? 

This is your life and you have full right to love it. Keep doing so.

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Let Her Laugh

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 Let Her Laugh

Let her live, let her laugh

Some time back, a post on Facebook triggered a storm in my mind. A young girl posted,

“Just because a girl’s most of the friends are boys, does not mean she is “having a good time” with all of them and neither having a boyfriend make her characterless. Being ambitious doesn’t mean she isn’t a family person. Just because a girl is outspoken doesn’t mean she is a rebel. If she comes home late from work, it does not mean she is sleeping around with her colleagues. Just because she is out shopping alone does not mean she is depressed or lonely. It’s how she relaxes, respect that. Just because she is on a holiday alone does not mean she doesn’t have company. Maybe it’s a break to get back her lost confidence, or maybe that’s how she is. Admire her spirit instead of giving her advice, okay? “

Such strong words made me smile. Thirty years back, after facing  our society’s shallow thoughts, similar was my rant .  As an independent woman, it was so sad then. Today after years of revolutionary steps for women empowerment, self dependence and fight against gender discrimination, we Indians are still stuck. 

The eighties…

My mother was always scared of my well being because I was too independent and ahead of my times. The thought amused me as I had always been very open with my family regarding my friends.

I always liked to spend time with people who had something new to talk about. Unfortunately, most of the girls I had interacted with had their minds focused on either dressing up or perfecting skills to be a perfect wife and daughter in law. Not that there was anything wrong in it but somehow that was just not my kind.

As a daughter, I always thought that it was my parents’ right to know all about what was happening in my life. So I always introduced my male friends to my parents. looking back, I realize that it was my way to empower my parents with trust  in me.  Whenever asked, why I brought those boys home, my reply was, “so that if required you should know the difference between truth and gossip.”

The learning for life…

The experience of being an independent working woman at the age of 21, was learning for life. Working with All India Radio, I was a very friendly person, who laughed and joked with every one. We had a lady officer, who once advised me to restrain from laughing and talking openly with men as those were not the right traits for good girls. Today I smile thinking about it but back then I was so angry with that lady that I started ignoring her.

Thirty years have gone by, but hardly anything has changed. They tried to make me feel guilty for my lifestyle. Talking to men, having a male colleague as my best friend; spending time with like minded people and every other thing that made me feel happy came under scrutiny. Isn’t it tragic that after thirty long years, even today girls have to justify their moments of joy and small acts bringing smiles in their lives. 

Change your attitude…

Today, as a mother undoubtedly, I am concerned about my daughter’s safety and well being every time she goes out with her male friends. Despite the fact that she chooses her friends with care. She is a girl who is aware of her surroundings and as her mother, I am always in the loop with all that is happening in her life.

I respect her need to go and watch a movie alone because sometimes her mind needs some diversion. I admire the independent spirit of my daughter as a young girl but would never restrain from warning her because I have seen the ‘big and bad’ world more than her. As a mother, I need to understand, her understanding of life so that she can lead her life peacefully and take the right decisions with my full support at all times.

‘Connect’ is the key word….

All mommies out there in the world, please stay connected with your daughters. Speak to them openly about your experiences about life (good as well bad). They will ignore you. They will ask you to stop advising. You need not stop because some day your experiences will act as guidelines for leading a safe and independent life.

Remember, whatever the world thinks about you and your daughter is not important. Most essential is what you both think of each other.

Let her live, let her laugh.

Cheers To Friendship

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Cheers To Friendship

2011 was my life changing year. This was the year when I took the first independent decision in my married life and that was to resign from a measly paying job and take care of my health. It was the year when I lost 30 kg weight and got down to 67 kg from 98 kg. It was the year which made me raise a toast to myself and say “Cheers to friendship”.

This was the year of my biggest personal victory.

  • I had lost weight without spending even one penny on gyms or dietitians.
  • I had got addicted to exercise after years of procrastination. 

In 2014 one fine day, while reading personal weight loss stories of people on internet, I came across a health and fitness website, ‘Indian Weight Loss Blog’. They were inviting blog posts so I just shot a mail to them offering my weight loss story, which I was dying to share with someone.

Soon, I got a positive reply from a lady named TarunPreet. Within no time my weight loss success story was ready with attached ‘Before and After’ pictures  for proof.  After a week or so I received a link which took me directly to my weight loss success story published in the blog. Oh My God! How great was the feeling. I felt like a celebrity.

After that a few more posts related to my healthy lifestyle experiences got me a permanent blog writer status in Indian Weight Loss Blog. This was the time when I got seriously involved with social media, blogging and digital creativity. Those were the days when I was not going out for work outside home as we had recently shifted to Noida from Odisha.  I was looking for some opportunity to keep myself busy and Tarunpreet, my blog owner, my ‘Boss’ was providing me enough. More than anything else, it made me a “cool tech savvy mommy” and then the editor of the blog.

Who knew, a professional acquaintance would so soon change into a personal one. Who knew, one day I would be a partner in the blog which once was just a playground to explore digital world. I agreed and felt good after a long time because it was always my dream to work for myself.

A woman who was 98 kg (not so very long ago) was now writing health related blog posts and had become a mentor to the clients who had joined our weight loss program. The amount of love and respect that I receive from blog followers and weight loss program clients is immense. In terms of personal growth, Tarunpreet’s role is immense in my life.  She is always holding me strong during moments of overwhelming technicalities involved in blogging or troubles of life.

I very firmly believe that some people belong to your soul tribe. They enter your life with a purpose. To this generation kids it is ‘BFF’. She is a buddy with whom I can share anything under the sun. A guide who has taught me and pushed me hard enough to learn a lot about blogging and social media. She is the soul who found me in redress and gave me a reason to live. She is the one who brought me back to my world of words and writing. Today if I am writing this blog, it is all because she introduced me to the world of blogging.

We knew each other in and out without meeting each other even once. After two years of virtual friendship, when we met physically for the first time, it was an instant connect.

I hardly have any friends but young people like Tarun, keep me young. I can’t thank her enough for being my strength whenever I am low. When there is a soul connection, twenty years age gap never matters.  

Cheers to friendship.

Curb Ego, Not Self Pride

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Curb Ego, Not Self PrideMother, ego and self-pride

I always loved children and was official ‘Kids’ In-Charge’ during family and social events. After many years, when I started working with All India Radio, I decided that it was high time for me to get married, because I wanted to be a mother.

Those were the days when Sushmita Sens and Neena Guptas were not heard of so marriage was the only option to be a mom. Later in life, I took up teaching because of my love for childhood. 

Then I realized that teaching children and bringing up your own children were thoroughly different ball games.

Early lessons in parenting…

My parents were government college professors. It must be a big challenge for them to handle their jobs and two kids all alone. There are many vague images in my mind related to my childhood but hearing from my mother, how they managed parenting really warms my heart. Parenting is all about sharing responsibilities. I learnt that from my parents.  

Controlling ego but saving self-pride

My mother, despite opposition from some family members, never left her job because according to her she had sacrificed enough to earn a masters degree in geography, get the job and above all had left her Kumauni base for it. Another reason was her promise to her parents that she would financially support her seven younger siblings till the eldest brother started earning. And she proudly kept her promise with no regrets.

Strangely enough, she never had any independent bank account till the day of her retirement. Though I loved my father but I had seen my mother making compromises just because she had to support her siblings. My father, despite being a good person at heart was terrible at financial and anger management. To keep the children out of confusion was my mother’s another responsibility.

As I grew up,I realized that an indulgent father might not necessarily be a good husband too. I started pushing my mother to stop tolerating nonsense and leave daddy?  Every time our discussions ended on one note,”You will not understand now.  Once you have the moral responsibility of your children, you cannot be anyone else but a mother; a strong mother. Once you are in my shoes you surely will understand one day.”

Daughter and Mother

In 1998, when I decided to restart teaching career, my only aim was to stay with my children maximum hours of the day. I always taught in the schools, where my children were studying. Salary or consistency in teaching levels never mattered to me. I have taught at all levels, from pre-nursery to college.

Waking up daily at 5 am, cooking meals, packing lunch boxes, after getting children ready, getting myself ready for school was a mind boggling morning routine. There had been difficult times and relationships. The resounding words of mother always kept me going.

Forget Ego not Self Pride

I ask myself, why we mothers do that every time? Why can’t we just run away from everything and every one? Why can’t we live for ourselves? Is it the societal pressure? Are we concerned about, “What would people say?” Well, for my mother, it surely was.

What about me!

I had never been bothered about society? My mother once told me, “Children never ask the parents to bring them to the world. As a mother who suffers nine months of pregnancy, woman must create good human beings. For doing so she needs to curb her ego. She can not run away from challenges of life and expect  little children to be strong enough to keep fighting. Mother must be the leader. A leader must have ‘self pride’ but she can not afford ego.”

Well, that’s so true. No one has the right to add regrets to beautiful childhood memories of children. Ultimately it is a battle ground for mothers between their ego and self pride. 

Perfect Imperfections

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Perfect Imperfections by Kanan

Perfect Imperfections

Perfect Imperfections by Kanan

 Perfect Imperfections

Few years back I initiated a ‘Personal Blog’ and began recording my personal experiences as a young girl. That blog was named “live- love -die” which was my attempt to “relive an imperfect but happy life, lost somewhere looking for perfection.” Then I realized that it had become so personal that it started scaring and pulling me down with depressing thoughts.  One fine day I realized that ‘Perfect life’ was ‘Utopia’. I understood that there is no point dreaming of heavy showers of laughter ignoring the light sprinkle of smiles and joy that is all around me. Thus evolved my new world “ Perfect Imperfections” which celebrates with me the random imperfections of life and our times.

When I crossed the much awaited 50th year of my life, I realized that the major chunk of my life was already over. Believe me it wasn’t that beautiful at all. Life tested me at each and every step and I did all that I had never thought of doing. Today what amazes me about myself is that I fought everything out and survived. The testing times made me realize my strengths as well as weaknesses. I realized (contrary to my self-belief) that I had a lot of patience and that is what provided me inner strength against all odds.

Rediscover yourself and accepting “ Perfect Imperfections”

I had always believed that life is beautiful and happiness very fragile. It was this belief that kept me always ready to face any adversary at the very next step. There are a few lessons my greatest teacher ‘Experience’ has taught me.

  • When everyone turns against you, love yourself even more.
  • Your happiness is your personal goal. No one around you is duty bound to keep you happy. 
  • Never ever think of ‘investing’ your emotions or ask for a payback as that will make you emotionally miserable which you don’t deserve to be.
  • Life flows like a river manipulating its own path through all odds and hindrances. Don’t mess with it unnecessarily, or you might slip off the right track. Just keep the flow going and believe that all will be good at the end.
  • There is no harm in lying low in life for a while if all odds are against you. Remember a shallow stream makes a better way ahead without causing destruction all around it than a strong cloud burst which creates havoc for a while and then just vanishes leaving behind sad memories.

Cheers to life and its perfect imperfections.

Love Thyself first

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Love thyself first by Kanan

Love Thyself first

Love thyself first by Kanan

Today I complete 48 years of my life and this year I am determined to be the first one to wish myself a very happy and positive year ahead.

I am happy

Happiness is our own state of  mind and we are our own masters, quite a cliche, isn’t it?  That is in fact the most overstated as well as understated statement.

No one in this world has the right to hurt me till the time I allow that person to do so. We all know that but is it that easy a task to accomplish? No, it’s not but it’s surely worth making an effort.

Hostility affects the psyche tremendously but we need to safeguard ourselves. The best way to maintain your own peace and sanity is by ignoring negativity around yourself. It is difficult, yes but with a little practice it becomes possible.

Karmic debt…

I am a strong believer in the theory of rebirth and Karma. My wish is to clear all my karmic debts, in this life. If my karma is right and sincere then others’ negative vibes for me doesn’t matter. If someone tries to hurt me for no fault of mine then I need not get upset. Yes, I am working towards clearing my Karmic debts.

Each day of these 52+ years has made me stronger and better in one way or other. I have got hurt, I have cried, I have tried and failed innumerable times but each time I have recovered and better healed than earlier. The two magic words that did it are ‘Hope and Faith’.

Every day I feel blessed to rediscover the biggest strength of any individual, ‘Optimism’ and  the ‘Will power to survive’ the worst storms in life.

I remind myself on a daily basis that if I won’t love myself for what I am, then I don’t have any right to expect love from others. One who loves and accepts oneself unconditionally  won’t ever need validation from others.

Love thyself first

The thumb rule to lead a happy and peaceful life is to ‘love thyself first’. It is my life and its my responsibility to ensure that no one but me is its master.  I Remind myself every morning, Live this beautiful life with love because that is the only truth and beauty worth longing for.

Live well and Love everyone but Love thyself first.

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